I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
