It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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