Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
