D3 body, D1 cock
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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