You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
