This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
