You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize