Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
