then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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