just tell him i said nine months
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
