If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
