come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
