so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
