It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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