There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
