I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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