Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
