i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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