I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
