the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
