I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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