see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
