You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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