his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
