There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
