your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
