The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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