I heard we made out
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
