You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
