Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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