dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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