Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
