apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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