Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
