thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
