She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
