Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
