he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
