My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
