Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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