it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
