I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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