Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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