you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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