Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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