It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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