you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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