I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
