and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
