Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
