he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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