puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
