whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
