Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
