I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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