I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
