she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
