You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
