dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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