I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
