were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize