Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
