I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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