I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
