im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
