dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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