hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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