The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
