I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
