I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
