Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
