Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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