That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
