Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
