I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
