Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
