I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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