I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
