I think I am morally bankrupt
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
