He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
