I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
