I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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