I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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