I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
