Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
