he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
